Im going to rant here, if you dont like rants dont read simple as that.

I feel as if everyones against me. I like to do things fun, im just a relaxed person but now im over the edge and pissed off. The world it feels is against me, even a friend is against me and maybe hes right but right now thats not what i need. I dont need someone to be right that should come later. I want to die.

I love to write, its my passion, my experience, my life, my soul, and my existence. Maybe thats how i want to be remembered, as a writer of some awesome inspiring Novel and maybe it still will but right now it wont.

Ill tell you what happened. Ive been on a site that my friends have joined, we have all RPed on there and yea ive made my fair share of enemies. After the events of the past i tried to not be like that, i didnt like it so i changed and moved on from the site. I moved to anotehr one to RP, ive got this thing about bleach right now that may sound like a gay mans dream but i enjoy thinking about the possibilities maybe cause to me it seems sort of real or can become a real thing.

This second site died, lost its Pizzaze and because of other events went down so i moved back to the previous one. I got along with the founding members even had an online affair with one, that brings back memories but it didn't last of course nothing in my ever does. Its all my fault some way or another it is.

Anyways i created a new bleach character because well im a fan of trying to up an old character (Though Akki has been my favorite so far). I created a new one, i tried to push boundaries in my head and increase thought upon the world of bleach. I guess i did something wrong which right now i dont believe i did, and i didnt. Its not that but the Mods and Admins tried to limit and i was explaining myself. anther 'mod' who isnt a mod. He previously stated he was leaving and has no Mod Tags (Awesome) Denied the character. He said i was blatantly attacking the Mod looking over my character. He said i was going against him constantly (Which i wasn't, i was putting in my case much like one would a court room) and he still believes he want being Biased. He has no love of me, him and another (Though that other is irrelevant now) but he has cheated me out of my only happiness.

Where am i supposed to go now? I dont know ill try and find somewhere else i feel safe, i liek it but probably not. Not after that incident. I feel like dying right now because all my hard work was thrown back in my face so suddenly and wrongfully. He is biasing it off his hate for me looking at my Defense as an Attack but no i was trying to explain myself to the Mod Judging it. Ha fuck him.

The Marines here, around me look down on what i like to do. Im trying to fit in but some ways i just dont want to change. I have to fit in to survive but this is my happiness, my freedom. I want to write a novel but its hard to keep interest in one subject a a time so i role play. It helps create a small space between everything and having someone else awnser my post i can relate and reply thus keeping an interest in it. They all look down on it but im struggling to continue because its my soul at stake here. But no, my hopes have been crushed maybe i should die. Lost in the river of Hades. Fuck writing right... I dont know anymore maybe all the Marines are right. Maybe i no longer fit into that realm and even my friend who i thought was a friend has turned on me... I just dont know.

I dont know anymore so fucking shut up. Im going to die in a year anyways so whats the point, ill just fucking be like every other god damn Marine around me, ill mold into a killer and just not care even leave my friends. Love life... probably not going to happen like that.


So for right now... Fuck life, fuck it all and Fuck those against me. They'll get theirs.

Im sorry to all those who actually like me, right now its all muddled up. My Unit returns tomorrow and im going to be in a Nightmare until i can prove myself to them but what do i have to prove. Nothing... of course they dont believe that of course the friends i make here will be stronger than any other, or so it seems now. My ties to the outside world just seem to erase one thin spread at a time, faster and faster as i loose myself. I dont want it to happen but everything just seems to collapse together in a muddy hole.

Im also sorry to those who have to bear me like this...